Got an interesting comment about how the local board boasts about how few “foreclosures” there are on the market, completely ignoring all the “bank owned” properties, that are also foreclosures… but apparently in the world of marketing and keywords, a rose by any other name is not a rose, at least not when it’s inconvenient for you.
So, it made me think of some of the other euphemisms and obfuscations that sellers and agents like to trot out when being honesty may not be the best policy most profitable, and though we could have a little fun with it. Feel free to add your own, this is but a small sampling of what’s out there!
As-in – Shithole, and quite probably a crime scene in the not so distant past
Assumable Mortgage – Flip gone wrong
Bank owned – Foreclosure
Cozy – Tiny, like square footage of a closet tiny. Synonyms: Quaint, Intimate, Cute, Modest
Charmer – Cramped and old… possibly with toilets in rooms other then bathrooms
Fixer upper – Shithole
Furnished – We don’t want this crap, and can’t even give it away, so now it’s your problem
Handyman Special – See: Fixer Upper
Motivated seller – About to be foreclosed upon seller
Move-in ready – Vacant
Needs a little work – Needs a LOT of work
Needs a lot of work – Needs gasoline and a match
New Development – Better hope you enjoy the sound of hammers during the day, and drunk rig-pigs at night
Partially-obscured view – No view
Recently renovated – Don’t look too close and ignore that smell
Retro – Old, and not in a good way
Secure building – Make sure your car insurance covers theft
Spacious – Anything with more then 500 sqft